7 questions to help you know if you are with the right person

By Lochleen MacGregor

How do you know when you’ve found your person? It’s a big question—maybe one of the biggest. And the answer is different for everyone.

A lot of us have been there: things start out amazing. There’s chemistry, connection, excitement. But then, somewhere along the way, things shift. The spark fades. The effort drops. You feel bored, disconnected, exhausted—even alone.

Before things reach that point, it can be helpful to pause and reflect: Am I choosing the right kind of person for me? Sometimes, someone looks perfect on paper. They check all the boxes—but something just feels... off. These seven questions can help you figure out if your relationship is built on something deeper and more lasting.

1. Do you share complementary values?

Values are at the heart of so many relationship challenges. Sometimes we’re not even clear on our own values—let alone our partner’s. Or maybe we do know our values, but they just don’t align well.

If you’re not sure what your values are, don’t worry. A simple way to start is by looking at a list of core values. Choose the ones that resonate most with you—then narrow it down to your top five. These become your guiding principles, the “rules” you want to live by.

Have your partner do the same. Then talk about your values—both personal and relationship-focused. Are they similar? Do they complement each other? If not, ask yourself: Can I live happily in a relationship where these values clash or don’t align?

2. Are your life goals aligned?

This one might seem obvious, but it’s often overlooked. If you’re walking down a certain path in life, it’s so important that your partner is on that same path—or at least walking beside you, not in the opposite direction.

For example, if having children is deeply important to you, being with someone who doesn’t want kids will likely lead to pain—for both of you. Even if they agree to it for your sake, resentment can build, and the relationship may suffer.

Shared goals don’t mean your lives need to be identical. But it does mean your visions for the future should support each other—not pull you apart.

3. Does your partner “fill your cup”?

This one’s about emotional energy. Does your partner make you feel loved and appreciated? Do they express love in ways that actually resonate with you?

If you haven’t explored the concept of love languages yet, it’s worth checking out. Everyone has preferred ways of giving and receiving love—physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. Knowing yours (and your partner’s) can be a game changer.

A gentle note here: If your partner is trying—really putting in effort—but you still feel empty, it might be worth exploring whether you have some emotional wounds that need healing. Because if your own cup has holes in it, no amount of love from someone else can fully fill it. That’s your work. And you deserve to feel whole.

4. Can you fill their cup?

Love goes both ways. Are you able to give your partner what they need emotionally? Do you know what makes them feel loved, supported, and valued?

Sometimes, even when we’re trying our best, we default to expressing love in our love language—not theirs. If your partner needs words, but you give hugs… the message might not land the way you intended. It’s not about trying harder—it’s about trying differently.

Also, it’s okay to acknowledge your own limits. If you’re in a hard season and feel emotionally drained, be honest about that. Communicate what you can give and what you can’t. Clear expectations go a long way in keeping relationships healthy.

5. Can you have honest, open conversations?

This one’s huge. Can you talk about the big stuff—values, goals, needs, fears—without walking on eggshells?

You should feel safe, seen, and heard in your relationship. If that’s not happening—if conversations feel one-sided, or unsafe—it may be a sign that this isn’t the right dynamic for you.

Healthy relationships are built on trust and open communication. Without that, it’s hard to grow together.

6. Do their actions match their words?

Everyone forgets things now and then. Life happens. But if your partner consistently says one thing and does another, it’s worth paying attention.

Maybe they promise to support you emotionally, but never show up when it counts. Maybe they say they value your time, but always cancel plans. These patterns matter.

If someone says they’re willing to meet your needs, but never actually follows through, it might be time to accept that they aren’t capable (or willing) to offer what you’re looking for—at least not right now.

It’s not about blaming them. It’s about protecting your peace and honoring what you need.

7. Do your actions match your words?

This goes both ways. Be honest with yourself: Have you shown up the way you said you would? Have you communicated clearly when your needs or priorities shifted?

None of us get it right 100% of the time. But being self-aware and willing to communicate openly helps you build trust—and also shows your partner that you value the relationship.

If you’re struggling to follow through or feel unclear on your own needs, that’s okay. These are great topics to explore in therapy or journaling.

Final thoughts

Relationships aren’t about perfection. They’re about partnership—two people showing up as their full, authentic selves and doing their best to walk together.

If you feel safe in your relationship, and you know who you are, you’ll be able to find someone who truly matches your heart. Let go of the idea of a “perfect on paper” partner, and instead look for someone who makes you feel loved, safe, and understood.

Thanks for being here. I’m really glad you are.