7 Ways to Stop Rumination & Move On
Getting over things is hard.
There are so many emotions involved. Whether you’ve lost someone, gone through a breakup, missed an opportunity, or had an interaction you wish you could go back and change, we’ve all had moments where our thoughts consume us.
We replay conversations.
We imagine better outcomes.
We wonder what we should have done differently.
Sometimes we hold onto those experiences so tightly that the hurt becomes part of our identity.
I’ve been there.
When things went south with my last partner, I felt like I had done a lot to keep the relationship going while my partner hadn’t shown up in the ways I needed. While that might have been partially true, it didn’t mean I hadn’t contributed to the eventual breakup.
Still, I held onto resentment.
I felt angry that the person I loved most in the world hadn’t been there for me when I needed them the most. That anger sat with me for a long time, and eventually I realized something difficult:
That resentment was shaping how I showed up in the world.
And that wasn’t the person I wanted to be.
Letting go of that anger felt like a sacrifice. But holding onto it was costing me more.
Here are a few things that helped me move forward.
1. Acknowledge It Sucks, Then Stop Narrating It 24/7
This one is easier said than done.
Thoughts about my ex ran through my head constantly. I could feel myself getting stuck in the same negative loops again and again.
Rumination feels productive because it tricks our brain into thinking we’re solving something. In reality, we’re just replaying the same emotional recording.
A few things helped interrupt those loops:
Listening to music that reminded me of other chapters of my life
Asking friends to gently redirect me if I started repeating the same story
Catching the loop and intentionally thinking about something else
The more I interrupted the loops, the less power they had.
2. Separate What Happened From the Story You Added
Memory is not as reliable as we think.
Research in cognitive psychology has shown that our memories change each time we recall them. Over time, we add meaning, emotion, and interpretation that weren’t necessarily present in the original moment.
That’s why eyewitness testimony is often unreliable.
One helpful exercise:
Write down the story of what happened with all the emotion attached.
Then write it again — but only include the facts.
Removing the emotional narrative can reveal how much of the pain comes from the meaning we attached afterward.
3. Stop Asking “Why Did This Happen to Me?”
Start Asking “What Did This Teach Me?”
It’s natural to feel like the victim when something painful happens. Sometimes that’s even accurate. But staying in that mindset keeps you stuck in the past.
A more empowering question is:
What can I learn from this?
Rumination often happens because the brain is trying to protect us. It believes that if we think about the situation long enough, we can prevent the same hurt from happening again.
Reflecting with intention can help that process move forward.
You might try:
Talking through the experience with a therapist
Asking trusted friends for their perspectives
Journaling about the moments where a different choice might have changed the outcome
Once you feel you’ve learned what you can from the experience, give yourself permission to move forward.
4. Take One Lesson and Apply It Today
Insight alone doesn’t create change.
Action does.
If you’ve learned something from your experience, apply it immediately — even in a small way.
For me, one lesson was realizing that I had fallen out of some healthy routines during the relationship.
So I started rebuilding my mornings.
It wasn’t the same routine I had before, but even small changes helped me feel more grounded and more like myself again.
Small behavioural changes rebuild confidence.
5. Move Your Body So the Emotion Leaves Your Nervous System
When we go through loss or heartbreak, the emotional experience doesn’t only live in our thoughts; it also lives in our bodies.
That’s why grief can feel physically heavy.
Movement helps release that stored stress from the nervous system.
Even when you don’t feel like it, try to move your body in some way:
Go for a walk
Ride a bike
Stretch or do yoga
Try strength training or Isometric exercises
Spend time outdoors
It doesn’t have to be intense. But movement signals to your nervous system that you are still alive, still capable, and still moving forward.
6. Stop Imagining How It Should Have Gone
One of the most painful traps is imagining how events could have unfolded.
The version where someone showed up differently.
The version where you said the perfect thing.
The version where everything worked out.
But that version doesn’t exist.
The reality is what happened.
And while that truth can hurt, it’s also the only place where change is possible.
You cannot influence a fantasy.
You can influence your real life.
When you notice yourself drifting into “what should have been,” gently bring yourself back to the present moment and focus on what you can build now.
7. Remember: This Is Part of Your Story, Not the Whole Story
When we’re in the middle of something painful, it can feel like it defines our entire life.
But life is made of chapters.
Some chapters are beautiful.
Some are painful.
Some are transformative.
You get to decide how this chapter fits into your story.
You can let it define you.
Or you can let it shape you.
If you choose growth, this moment can become the turning point that leads to something better.
A Final Thought
Letting go isn’t about pretending something didn’t hurt.
It’s about deciding that the pain will not dictate the rest of your life.
You can acknowledge what happened.
Learn from it.
And still move forward.
This moment may be significant — but it isn’t your entire story.
The rest of your story is still waiting to be written.
Journal Prompts for Letting Go
What part of this situation am I still holding onto?
What lesson might this experience be trying to teach me?
What would moving forward look like for me?
What version of myself do I want to become after this?
What small step could I take today to move forward?
Helpful Resources
Books
Rising Strong by Brené Brown
The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
Helpful Approaches
Trauma-informed therapy
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy
Somatic practices
Mindfulness and meditation, visualizations
Working with a therapist can help you process the experience, identify patterns, and build healthier ways of moving forward.
You don’t have to navigate difficult chapters alone. If any of this resonated with you, please reach out to our team and book an appointment. We are here for you.
