Closing Doors and Moving Forward
It can be incredibly hard to let go of someone or something that no longer serves you. So many of us pride ourselves on being honourable, kind, and considerate. We don’t want to ghost people. We don’t want to hurt anyone. So even after a relationship ends, we tend to leave the door open, just a tiny sliver, so they can walk back in if they want to apologize, reconnect, or be part of our lives again.
We were taught to be polite. We were taught not to give up on people. We were taught that closure must be mutual. These beliefs often make letting go feel wrong or unkind. They make us feel like the monster, even when we are the wronged party.
We tell ourselves there’s unfinished business, so we keep the door cracked… just in case.
But the funny thing about open doors is this:
If we don’t close them, we often can’t open new ones.
An open door to the past creates a draft strong enough to slam new opportunities shut. If you feel like your past keeps haunting you, it’s worth asking:
Is there a door I’m afraid to close?
Imagine trying to walk down a long hallway while every door behind you is left open.
The draft is cold and unsettling. Each open door adds its own noise; some carry storms, some let in wind and debris, and some open into rooms filled with hurtful voices or painful memories. Even the quieter ones let in a steady hum of thoughts that make it hard to stay focused.
With all those doors open, the hallway feels chaotic and unsafe. You’re exposed. You’re distracted. You can’t fully move forward because part of you is always bracing for whatever might drift, or rush,out from behind you.
But when you start gently closing those doors, something shifts.
The air settles.
The noise fades.
The hallway becomes yours again.
Some doors may need to stay open for a little while; life is complicated, and certain connections or responsibilities can’t be sealed off immediately. But most of the open doors to our past don’t actually serve us. They let in emotional “weather” that disrupts our peace: old hurts, old versions of ourselves, old expectations, old relationships that still tug at our hearts.
Closing those doors isn’t cold or unkind.
It’s an act of protection.
An act of reclaiming your space.
An act of choosing your future over the storms of your past.
You Can’t Face Your Future With One Foot in the Past
This is true in almost every area of life.
If you’re starting a new career while clinging to your old one, it’s hard to fully step into your future. Holding onto something “just in case” keeps you divided and hesitant. And yes, these days many people need to hustle, but there still comes a moment when you need to commit to your new path so you can truly thrive.
Relationships work the same way.
Many people feel they need closure. They want to be heard. They want their ex-partner to finally understand the pain they caused. But if they weren’t listening when it mattered most, during the relationship, why would they suddenly have a moment of clarity now?
Will they wake up one day, realize they were the villain in your story, knock on your door, and apologize?
It can happen, but for most people, it doesn’t. They simply continue on with their lives, secure in their own perspective, unaware of the impact they had.
So why do we keep hoping they’ll change?
Why do we hope they’ll help us heal our wounds?
Other People Can’t Heal Your Wounds
As tempting as it is to hope for repair, healing is something we have to do ourselves. There’s no magic cure-all for heartbreak. When someone we trust hurts us, it’s natural to want them to return and “fix” what they broke—but if they showed you once that they're capable of hurting you deeply, why give them another chance to do the same?
Of course, there are exceptions.
Shared children, small communities, long-term partnerships—sometimes we will see an ex again.
But closing a door isn’t about pretending the person doesn’t exist.
It’s about not allowing them access to your peace.
They may feel they deserve forgiveness. They may even believe they deserve a place in your life.
But you owe them nothing—and the reality is that even if they do “owe” you something emotionally, the chance of receiving it is small.
Leaving the door open keeps the wound open too. Closing a door isn’t punishment. It’s a boundary that protects your emotional well-being
So How Do You Heal?
Healing looks different for everyone, but here are a few gentle steps that can help:
1. Block or limit access—for now
This doesn’t have to be forever. But when feelings are fresh, nothing reopens a wound faster than an unexpected message.
2. Rediscover who you are outside that relationship
Date yourself. Explore your interests. Reconnect with the parts of you that may have gone quiet.
3. Use grounding and visualization practices
These can help your mind settle, soften the emotional intensity, and create new neural pathways for healing.
4. Talk to a therapist
Understanding your relationship patterns can help you avoid repeating similar painful cycles.
5. Give yourself time
Grief is a wave. It comes, it crescendos, and it recedes. The earthquake that caused it is over; the sea will eventually calm.
Keep bringing your focus back to you, not them. Their healing is their responsibility. This is your time to rebuild your life and shape the future you want.
Know What You’re Looking For Next
Once you’ve gently closed the door to the past, you make space to define:
Your values
Your relationship goals
What you need from a partner
What you want your future to feel like
There are people, opportunities, and experiences ahead of you—but they’re not behind you.
Your past is a branch that didn’t grow, and that’s okay. The branch you’re on now is the one meant for you.
You are in the right place, on the right timeline.
You don’t have to keep watch over the past. The door is closed.
There is only one direction open to you.
Step through it.
What’s holding you back from moving forward?
Journal Prompts
Here are optional prompts your readers can use to deepen their reflection:
What doors from my past are still open, even slightly? Why?
What am I hoping to receive from someone who hurt me, and is that hope realistic?
What would “closing the door” look like in a practical, compassionate way?
How do I want to feel six months from now? What doors need closing to make that possible?
What values are most important to me in relationships? Do the people I allow in reflect those values?
If I fully turned toward my future, what might become possible for me?
Additional Resources
Books
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Nedra Glover Tawwab
“Attached” by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (for relationship patterns)
“The Mountain Is You” by Brianna Wiest (healing + self-growth)
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If you’re struggling to close an emotional door or feel stuck between your past and your future, you don’t have to navigate it alone. A counsellor can help you gain clarity, understand your patterns, and take those first steps forward with confidence and compassion.
