procrastination and the grammar of silence
Grammar is a set of rules that govern how words, phrases, and sentences are structured and used in a language. They are developed subconsciously, through repeated exposure, and fine-tuned through instruction, education, and practice.
Now, if you ask people (and I’ve asked a lot of people) if they like grammar, the vast majority will say no. They appreciate the outcome, but don’t really care about the process. Like enjoying music without playing an instrument; or eating food without knowing how to cook. There is nothing wrong with it, but the craft deepens when we are willing to put in the work; the sweat, blood, and tears of the process help us to better understand ourselves and others.
Every day we communicate. With ourselves, with our co-habitants, co-workers, companions, and during all that communication, we focus very little on the patterns of how it all gets put together. Now, as a grammar teacher, I could go on and on about the merits of paying attention to grammar and the emotional depths your word choices have (despite the fact that we maybe don’t realize that) but today we are going to focus on one of the deepest grammars we have: the grammar of silence.
Silence is a noun and that is an important distinction to make because the verb ‘to silence’ has an entirely different cognitive shift that happens when we shut someone up, and it is dangerous, but silence, as a concept, can mean two things: either refraining from speaking or the complete absence of sound, and ironically enough both those concepts are louder than they imply so paying attention to the grammar really helps us understand the implications of silence and how they ripple through our lives.
Grammatically speaking, there are many different kinds of silences. Pause for a moment and see how many you can think of: comfortable silence, awkward silence, defensive silence, prosocial silence, deviant silence, acquiescent silence, radio silence, etc. There are all sorts of reasons for silence that have deeper meanings than the lack of what it is that we aren’t speaking or hearing.
The grammar of silence is what kicks in when we find ourselves stuck halfway through a task. That moment of dread when everything inside goes quiet and you can’t seem to figure out what direction to take it in next. We put off our next word, our next thought, our next task because the silence is ringing too loudly inside for us to focus.
This grammar of silence is otherwise labeled “procrastination,” which when de-etymologized from the Latin “forward” “of tomorrow,” has come to mean “to delay or postpone a task that you need to do, usually because it feels boring, stressful, or hard.” In other words, we turn the noun into a verb, and we silence that which needs to be done, and sometimes do not do it at all.
However, like silence, I believe the grammar of procrastination is more than what we see on the surface. Perhaps it isn’t always laziness. Perhaps it is the understanding that what is wanted from an outcome is not yet ready to be.
(Disclaimer: I started this post four days ago. I knew I wanted to talk about the grammar of silence, but not what I wanted to say. So, although my internal deadline was screaming at me to proceed, I closed my document and worked on other things instead. And it’s true. What they say about procrastination and the agony of an unfinished task [not for everyone of course, some people thrive in the “wait”-- a deadline providing an adrenaline rush], but over the years I have learned that if you lean into the internal discomfort of not knowing what to say, and pay attention to your own internal grammar, the sensations of words will settle into the emotions needed to form sentences and suddenly, silence is no longer a failure of communication or time management, but rather an opportunity to explore the structured, unheard language of avoidance, resistance, and the patience required to quiet internal conflict.)
Thus, when we look at the structural systems of language, that which we choose to say, do, or face, the grammar of silence articulates everything we are choosing not to say, do, or face.
When we view action as the spoken word of our intentions, then procrastination becomes the complex syntax of our hesitation. It turns blank space into a weighted, deliberate vocabulary, and with this perspective in mind, we are no longer procrastinating: we are leaning into silence’s grammar effectively and recognizing that procrastination is simply a form of internal communication that is signaling to us our fears of unworth, overwhelm, perfectionism, and/or the exhaustion that comes when our brain and body are processing information at different speeds and everything just needs to slow down or catch up- take a break.
So the next time you find yourself procrastinating, take a second and connect to your internal grammar- the silence that is stirring within and ask yourself:
Will this make me stronger?
How can I take pride in this menial task?
Am I avoiding doing something because it is bad for me or because I am reluctant to get better?
Am I resisting something because it is dangerous or because I am reluctant to do better?
Am I patiently learning to quiet internal conflict or burying it because I am reluctant to be better?
Am I silent because I am afraid or because my silence is worth more than your words?
Will this procrastination strengthen or hinder the development of my personal grammar?
Sources/Inspiration
How miscommunication happens (and how to avoid it)- Katherine Hampsten (TED)
Quiet by Susan Cain
The Body Keeps the Score- Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
Eastern Body, Western Mind- Anodea Judith
10% Happier- Dan Harris
Joyful Wisdom- Yongey Mingyur
Into the Silence- Wade Davis
The Cultural Implications of Silence Around the World- Carrie Shearer https://www.rw-3.com/blog/cultural-implications-of-silence
