When You’ve Been Told You’re “Too Much”

Most of us weren’t born feeling embarrassed about our emotions.

When children feel something, they usually show it. They cry when they’re hurt, laugh loudly when something is funny, and get excited about small things. Their feelings move through them naturally.

But as we grow up, many of us slowly learn that not all emotions are welcome.

Maybe you cried and someone said, “You’re being dramatic.”
Maybe you shared something that hurt you and heard, “You’re too sensitive.”
Maybe you worried about something and someone replied, “You think too much.”

These moments may seem small, but they can shape how we see ourselves.

Over time, we start to notice which emotions make other people uncomfortable. And without even realizing it, we begin to adjust.

We hold things in.
We downplay our reactions.
We try to seem less affected than we really are.

Little by little, something very human, our emotional side, can start to feel embarrassing.

The Messages We Get Growing Up

Every family has its own way of dealing with emotions.

In some families, feelings are talked about openly. People can say when they’re hurt, worried, or upset, and others try to listen.

But in other families, emotions might feel harder to express.

Maybe strong feelings led to conflict.
Maybe sadness was brushed aside.
Maybe being “strong” meant keeping things to yourself.

When children grow up in these environments, they learn quickly how to adapt. They figure out what is safe to show and what is better to hide.

Some become very quiet about their feelings.
Some try to be the “easy” one who doesn’t cause problems.
Some learn to laugh things off instead of talking about what’s really going on.

These ways of coping make sense at the time. They help us fit in and stay connected to the people around us.

But later in life, they can leave us feeling a bit disconnected from ourselves.

Society Sends Messages Too

It’s not just family. The wider world sends messages about emotions as well.

We often hear that being strong means staying calm, being independent, and not letting things affect us too much.

Feeling deeply can sometimes be misunderstood as being fragile or overly sensitive.

People who care deeply, react strongly to injustice, or feel things intensely may be told they’re “too emotional” or that they need to “toughen up.”

Over time, these messages can make us question our own feelings.

Instead of trusting our emotional responses, we start wondering if something is wrong with us.

What Happens When We Hide Our Feelings

When we learn to feel embarrassed about our emotions, we often start to hide them, even from ourselves.

We might say “I’m fine” when we’re not.
We might minimize things that actually hurt us.
We might struggle to ask for support.

Many people become very good at appearing calm and capable on the outside while carrying a lot inside.

And sometimes that can feel lonely.

Learning a Different Way

One of the gentle shifts that can happen in counselling is realizing that emotions themselves are not the problem.

Feelings are actually signals. They tell us what matters to us, what hurts, and what we need.

When we start approaching our emotions with curiosity instead of embarrassment, something begins to change.

Sadness becomes something we can listen to.
Anger can help us notice when our boundaries have been crossed.
Sensitivity can become a source of empathy and connection.

The parts of ourselves we once tried to hide can slowly become parts we understand and care for.

There’s Nothing Wrong With Feeling

If you’ve spent much of your life trying to hide or tone down your emotions, you’re not alone.

Many people have learned the same lesson growing up.

But emotions are not something we need to be embarrassed about. They’re a natural part of being human.

And sometimes, learning to welcome them again is where healing begins.